I saw In her Shoes this afternoon.
The following few lines in the movie were most memorable:

i carry your heart with me
i carry it in my heart
i am never without it
anywhere i go you go,my dear;and whatever is done
by only me is your doing,my darling

here is the deepest secret nobody knows
here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows
higher than soul can hope or mind can hide
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart
i carry it in my heart

-E.E.Cummings

I was going through my financial report card today, i.e my quaterly financial report, and reviewing my passive incomes, going through with my dad, what he shoulda started doing 15 years ago, when from my winamp music player, "Sugababes-Too Lost in You" started playing. And I started smiling and eventually giggling to mself for about 3 mins. Dunno why, the smallest things still remind me of you eh.

After being outa town for a few weeks, concentrating on school after I got back, I finally got time, to check up on some old friends. I was so shocked, and so happy to find out that Kallie has been engaged. I couldnt believe that I didnt find out sooner. Feels wierd that everyone around me is getting hitched. I'm not even interested in going out and looking for a girl. Perhaps I'm tired of the game, perhaps I feel that she'll just bump into me at starbucks while I'm grabbing some coffee. But you know thats the funny thing about life. You can never find something until you stop looking for it.

I got a chance to talk 1v1 with my dad today while i was driving us back from food. I explained to him that I knew all about the emails, and such. I explained to him, that it was really very nice of him to come down all the way here just to catch up with me, and see how I'm doing. I think he was really happy to hear that. Gave me all the space I needed when we got home, which was even better. He and I caught up on the 2-3 years that I decided to keep to myself. He learnt the whole truth about my life here, my real jobs, my adventures throughout my college life, the speeding tickets, the crazy motorcycle stories, all my ex girlfriends. We laughed and rejoiced as he told me about his collegehood of persuing women.

I think it was the first I've connected with my dad...ever. ANd I am so happy. All because I managed to take one day to think about everything around me, and an email from someone truely amazing.

HOpe everyone's having a decent week. Will keep posting assuming Im in town, and "feel like writing". Ciao

Got woken up today with a loud thud on my door. My immidiate response upon being awoken in the midst of sleep, was "What!", which was answered without delay with a "Get out of your room". The nightmare had just started it seemed.

After stepping outa my room, with my dad glaring at me, I was like why are u waking me up 2 hrs before class? And his amazing response was"I used to be up at 6 30 everyday in college, I dont see why you shouldnt" *sigh*

After argueing with him, and telling him he has no right to run my life, he starts breaking down, and crying and calling me "bastard son" about 4 times in 1 minute. I do what any bastard son woulda done at that time. I laughed my ass off at my dad. In retrospect that was probably a bad thing to do, but i couldnt believe how fragile my dad, the leader of my family, the alpha dog could be. So i take a shower, come out calm him down, tell him im sorry i've been acting so cold, that it wasnt fair on him to drop by unexpected and then want me to do stuff for him/with him.

So he's like all calmed down, watching news, and i step outa the door to go to class, and he starts wailing again! I'm like wtf, and he's like u didnt even make me breakfast, or didnt even tell me what to do for lunch. I start pondering, did he really expect me to be like my mom and hand him everything on a silver platter? Or maybe he thought this was 1 week of luxury at the Hilton with bed and breakfast. I suppose so.

I swear, I'm gonna deserve like 15 beers on sat night when my dad leaves.

damn u family

So, my dad decides to "surprise" me today by showing up on my front door. And then he gets really pissed that i'm not treating him well, and that hes my father and why I'm being so alienated. Hmmm, apparently, my family doesnt have any idea how it's like to be intruded upon one's privacy. Such an idea doesnt exist in their minds, and is incomprable to them. On top of that , my dad breathes down my neck whenever i sit in my room checking emails/writing emails, doing anything at all, and it's driving me fucking nuts. On top of all that i still have 5 days of his crap to deal with. If theres a god out there, i bet you're out to screw me.

Bored

So today, I was bored, and decided in my drunken stupor to look through facebook( an equivalent of myspace if you guys have heard of it, of friendster) and look through the pictures of hot girls, and for some odd reason girls I used to date, and have a jolly laugh. After about 1-2 hrs of tearing laughter, I decided to scroll back to my friend's pictures and found a picture that truely made me very very mad.



Reason being: Last halloween, i had casually joked that it would be so funny to put a lamp shade over ur head, make adresser, put some KY and stick some condoms, an alarm clock and go as a 1-night-stand. And Oh my fucking god my idea got friggin Stolen, ripped apart from me as though it was her own god damn original idea.

I dont know why I'm angry. It's prolly cos im drunk, and now I have to go to bed, and I'm cranky. haha. ANyways night.

Wow. it's been a while since I've writing something close to a constructive evidence that I'm alive and ticking. I suppose, I really havent. There are some times in life where you just have to pack up all your pictures, and photographs and start anew. And maybe I've been trying to do that, but not so well. Alcohol always seems to be my refuge. I have broken the birdge between many friends and family and don't really know where I'm heading, except for that Porsche I test drove today. That filled me with more energy and life than I've ever been in quite a while. Perhaps my future lies in there...