addiction

Have any of ya'all been addicted to anything?

Drugs, Alcohol?
COs if not you wouldnt even come close to how I feel.
Ya know the day you stopped smoking/doing drugs/alcohol you fekt just totally useless, totally impotent, totally insignificant?

Thats how I'm feeling. I turn the corner, noone shooting at me. I turn the corner and theres a friend ready to greet me wiith a drink at the bar. I have a constant headache. I cant imagine an ordinary life, yet here I am leading one. This sort of withdrawal results in saying ridiculous and stupid things, usually found in emails, and such things.

Good nite ladies and gentlemen. Here's to a normal life...

I really dont know what to say. I'm sooo fucking tired of living a bullshit Life. I want to lead a real non bullshit real life.

Life or something like it...

Today, I drank for the first time in forever. I realised something. Life isnt something thats been handed to you, , rather, Life is something that you make out of.

Problems...

Hmm. TOday My roomate came to me with a concern. He has decided to show anomosity. I wouldnt quite say I'm scared because, well, this is nothing compared to what I've been through. Anyways he decides question me about why i leave town for weeks at a time, and come back and stay at home for a week with out ever hardly going out. Somehow I manage to pay rent/utilities on time, without a sign of a particular job. How do I explain this. Hmm. I never thought random roomates would give a shit or care, but I'm willing to bed my color has something to do with this. Sigh...

Its that day again eh

As I sat down for dinner tonight, across from a girl I'd seen maybe twice in my life, My mind started to wonder away from the subject of what she did with her friends last weekend at the bar. It's been 6 years since I stepped foot onto the states. What did I end up doing this very same day every year for the last 6 years?

2001: Haplessly rejected by the first girl I ever liked in college when asked to go on a date.
2002: Dinner with a chic I'd been dating for over a month. She crashed her car a few days later. I sent her some flowers and a nice card to help her get over her car crash. She never spoke to me again.
2003: Juggling 3 different girls on Valentines day for dinner. At least they knew about each other =P. I think thats probably the one of the stupidest points in my life. Partying every night, drinking everynight. Riding my bike around like a maniac.
2004: Spent the first hour of valentines professing my love to someone that lived 10k miles away over the phone.
2005: Recovering from cancer.
2006: Probably drunk.
2007: Sitting across the dinner table from someone I'm not even interested in. I fucking hate blind dates. I felt bad for the girl, i was totally wasting her time. Just ended up driving her home right after dinner.

Thats life eh.

Came back home today, and decided to take a shower, and realised i was inadvertently wearing a pair of "dog lovers" boxors i was given as a valentines gift 3 years ago =P I laughed so hard.

A little bit of this and a little bit of that

Tonite, while I was on the phone with my parents, I started to cry. I couldnt figure out, if it was because I was using a public phone to be discrete about who i talk to(because of my job), or whether I was lying about my life. I guess I'm still figuring out. I leave you guys with a poem I wish I wrote.

If I had a hammer, I would build a house for two
And if I had a sailing ship, I would take a trip with you
And if had the poet's hand, I'd write a verse for thee
And if I had the painter's touch, on canvas you would be......