Graduation Not So EZ?
So, last weekend, every single person(pretty much) that I knew well in my freshmen year of college, graduated. After seeing them on stage, accepting their diplomas, I felt like taking a very very blunt knife, stabbing myself in the heart with it, and then twisting it, several times. ANd then I woulda done it another time. Seriously, I felt so fucking ashamed of myself, that I had to help myself from bursting into tears. Never felt that way, i must say.
Attended my friend's graduation ceromony on Saturday in Daytona beach. TWas lotsa fun, got to see some of my friends that had already graduated that had congregated to wish Andrew the best of luck , as he goes to officer cadet training so he can go work as an engineer on a submarine. I admire some of my friends, with a set future, Tim, gonna be working at Boeing. Doug, working fulltime with his firm that he's been working Part time at. Noam, working parttime and going to grad school. Jimmy, got a job with an insurance firm in Wyoming? or something... Das? STill unsure, hates the classes he's gonna take over the summer. Cant even fucking find a place to live with his lease expiring tomorrow. =(
Maybe, I've gotten too accustomed to taking risks, and always getting away with it. Maybe, I love cutting the line, its the only thing that keeps me going, the excitment of knowing that if something is not done by tomorrow, I will be homeless/jobless/careerless, etc etc.
As I walked along the beach last night, alone, while Tim was basking and enjoying himself in the presence of Kristen, I thought to myself, what huge mistakes have I made in my life?
Why is it a couple of years ago, socially, and scholistically, Tim and DOug and Noam were way below, and suddenly, I find myself in the bottom of the pyramid? Is it the choices that I made?
Maybe, its because, I lived with a premotion that noone could ever touch me, noone could ever rock my cradle hard enough for me to fall off the tree. Life they say, is not about regretting what you didnt, do but rather, learning from the mistakes. I personally am glad that I did the things I did. Noone else can say they've seen Russia in its winter mystery, or Cairo in its summer shine. Ireland, in its Springtime bloom, or Brazil and it's fall parades. Not many can say they've dived 10 000ft from an airplane at the middle of the night. I've had so many amazing experiences, but sadly it seems, that in the end, they arent as important as what you are left with. Right now, I have pissed off parents, graduating friends, no female companionship( the one thing that really depresses me), but a decent amount of money.
But anyways, enough of my rant. Ya'all have a good day =)
