Halloween

Tomorrow is Halloween. It's sorta reflective day for me. 3 years ago, I got my first car. But anyways, Went to a bar last night. Was abandoned by my roomates because they were too tired. So, I ended up going out with my buddy Adam, his gf and one heck of an annoying friend of Adam's gf. I was of course "God's gift to Women". Had a big bow slapped on my shirt, worn sorta like a sash with a ribbon, and a card that says
"From: God,

To: Women"

My guy friends who heard I was going to do this mocked me and ridiculed me, that I was gonna get smirk remarks from women, etc etc. The usual bs I always have to put up with because noone has the balls to pull off what I want to do. Straight off the bat, Adam's gf and friend "Wow, that is an awesome costume. Original" Score 1 for Das.

Went to a "redneck" party, where its a bunch of late 20's guys, sitting around a bonfire, which was pretty much gay. After a coupla beers, and being totally out of place, I was then taken to the bar that we were supposed to go to. The usual comics, guys dressed up like schmuks, trying their best to get attention. Guys who spend a ridiculous amount of money on a costume that they're gonna wear for 2 days.(I spent 4 bucks. Last year I spend 5 bucks) The usual gainesville stuff.

Every girl that I thought was cute, I would go up and ask her what her costume was, even if it was obvious. Then, no matter what she was wearing, I gave my interpretation:

Girl "I'm a nurse."
Das "You're a naughty nurse."

Girl "I'm a cop."
Das "You're a naughty cop."

Girl "I'm a tree."
Das "You're a naughty tree."

It worked better than you might think.

I go get a beer at the bar. Bartender looks at me funny, and asks me the line I've been waiting for someone to ask me. "What makes you God's gift?" Answer : "I have 20 million dollars and terminal cancer". Score: Das 2. Bartender gives me free drinks most of the night and flirts with me. I could care less. Don't get me wrong, she was attractive, but not too smart. Beautiful house. Pity noone was home.

THe above scene replicated itself with another hot girl. I answer with "13 inches was never big enough". I'm in, she thinks I'm hilarious, introduces me to her friends, their boyfriends, and her boyfriend. Ah yes. Splendid. Well, at least I was in. One of the boyfriends bought a round of shots, and wanted a toast. I don't know why, maybe because because I hadn't paid for shit and they expected something out of me, maybe because I had been entertaining them all night, everyone in this group turned to me to give the toast.

Guy #1 "Hey, Gift Boy, give us a toast!" This statement was met with cheers from the table.
D "Uhhh...OK...umm...To myself?"
Booing and hissing rose up through the dozen or so toast participants.
Das "I don't know, what kind of toast do you want."
Guy #2 "A toast. A real toast; something funny."
Guy #1 “Yeah, come on, Gift Boy! You can do it!"

I realize that the boyfriends were trying to make fun of me, setting me up for ridicule to make themselves look better in the eyes of their hot girlfriends. That's fine. I would have done the same thing. But they obviously did not know who they were dealing with. I got up on a chair, and prepared to address the crowd.

The room got quiet, I paused for dramatic effect, and gave the only funny toast I know:

"Here’s to the women we've met, and to the women we've fucked,
And to those amongst us who've had no such luck.
Here’s to beer in the glass, and vodka in the cup,
Here’s to pokin' her in the ass, so she won’t get knocked up.
Here's to all of you, and here's to me,
together as friends we'll always be,
but if we should ever disagree,
then FUCK ALL OF YOU, HERE'S TO ME!"

I've never seen a bar erupt in a chaos of laughter as they did. I was a hero.

But so ends day 1 of halloween. My phone had been glitching on me the whole of the day, and for some reason even though I had no battery left, it was telling me I had full life, and it was constantly being recharged. Wierd eh. But anyways, pulled out my phone to get a girl's no. cos she was having a party tonight and wanted to invite me, and lo and behold my phone had died. After trusting 5 girls with my number, and for them to call me, and giving them the "I'm counting on you to call me" crap speech, I'm sitting at home at 9, still waiting. Oh well. Signing off ya'all. Hope things are well.